Once monthly at our 715 club (small group of 12 step friends working the Serenity Program around coffee at 715am Sunday mornings) we look at the traditions of our specific 12 step programs and we search for any spiritual significance. The exercise grows us spiritually as we share our diverse findings in a variety of scriptures.
As Tradition 8 speaks to the nonprofessional way of Sharing our 12 step programs (outreach in other words or the 12th step), I was lead to research the "Sharing" aspect of the tradition and ended up looking at Hebrews 2: 14-18 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews%202:14-18&version=NIV This reading taught me a little more about humility when I thought about God's sacrifice-king of kings to servant of man in order that He could share in our humanity. Causing himself to suffer when tempted, exactly like I do! Seems to me that service of any kind creates freedom. This may be the ultimate sharing-God's death to free me from the fear of death; however, any time we share our life with a potential 12 stepper and he/she can identify, we have shared in her/his pain thereby freeing her/him of a portion of that pain and the spiritual magic begins! Service blesses and blesses!
And the simplicity of Hebrews 13: 16 demonstrates God's pleasure in our sharing/sacrificing http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews%2013:%2016&version=NIV
I sense more and more that the greatest gift is to serve and for 12 steppers that means finding the needy and sharing ourselves that the spiritual magic might begin. When motivated by the simple call to serve and accepting that call by faith, I find my state of mind is lifted to heights that cause the worldly urges that generally rule my life to pale into insignificance.
The remedy is "Back To Basics" www.aabacktobasics.com Simply replace alcoholism with your problem (codependency/affected by others or any addiction or vice) and take the 12 steps as described in this simple program. This program teaches us how to connect spiritually and then sends us out to find someone else to experience the same. As two-way prayer works in a life, Sharing becomes contagious and the results speak for themselves!
Let's free each other as we lighten our loads by Sharing our Burdens!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tradition 8
Each month we spend sometime on our traditions. The original 12 steppers needed more than steps as the fellowships expanded. The traditions were designed to keep consistency and unity in fellowships that today have groups throughout the world. Where management is non-existent, a framework to help groups get along with each other and to reach out consistently world-wide, is a must. The traditions for most become an integral part of the recovery process. First our emotional condition needs the priority treatment (12 steps), however, as we gain health, we must learn to exist and get along with others. The traditional framework used by AA and Al-Anon for example, for many, becomes as important as the steps in procuring and retaining friendships. Sharing seems to reach new levels and healing thrives as we work together to reach out and share our programs in a variety of ways. We seem to naturally become more involved in service areas (never for personal gain or money). "We are no longer alone" (one of my favourite slogans) as we reach out together to make a difference in others' lives, thus filling our lives with the sense of purpose we often need so badly to be truly free.
We use traditions similar to the original 12 step designers, simply because they work. Our 8th Tradition reads "Our outreach work is nonprofessional although we may employ workers for special service requirements"
The original 12 steppers used a program that today is called "Back To Basics"
One of the co founders of AA would take the prospective member through the 12 steps as quickly as possible so that he/she would start to learn of the spiritual nature of the program. He would sometimes do this in the same day. However, today we use a variation of this to take the 12 steps in 4 sessions over a 4 week period. Basically the newcomer is taught to pray (to whomever/whatever) and receive answers to her/his dilemma. Next he/she tries to bring someone else through the same process and so on and so on. This is NONPROFESSIONAL outreach, the wounded reaching out to the wounded. This was the missing ingredient originally. The relief felt by the hurting as they reach out and keep on taking the steps is enough to keep members coming back. We hear so often "we must give it away in order to keep it". AA was able to achieve documented success rates of up to 75% using this simple formula. It was only when Bob and Bill (co founders of AA) went out together to to find and help other alcoholics, take them through the steps and send them out looking, that the ball was in play.
Grass roots reaching out to those in need, no fancy programs:
-share my story with someone
-bring someone to a "Back To Basics" four week session
-help him/her find someone else
Sharing The Burden was started specifically to make 12 step healing available to anyone who felt troubled or affected by a relationship (past or present). We determined that unless someone existed in a vacuum, he/she would qualify to a degree. That was the idea, everyone can benefit so let's expose it.
In Co-Dependency type 12 step programs, I see the need for a much greater effort here. By co-dependency programs, I mean programs for those affected by someone else's addiction, regardless the addiction specifically. We all know several needy people but how do we expose the gift without promoting? This can be a problem due to anmonymitry, the basis for the original 12 step program.
We feel we have overcome this problem to an extent in Sharing The Burden because there is no qualification of any type, all are welcome to take part. Eventually we believe most people will see the value in 12 step work and seek out specific programs that already exist. If not we will offer other alternative ideas at that time.
It is so important that each and every person realize how valuable they are in this process. this 8th tradition demonstrates the truth that "each of us holds some knowledge we all need and someone may need it now and find it life-saving". We MUST share our burdens to heal and grow and this NONPROFESSIONAL 12 step approach with the help of these traditions is, to me, by far, the simplest and best way to give absolutely anyone the equal honour of participating and making integral contributions to peoples' lives.
WE NEED LOTS OF HELP!
PLEASE COMMENT (ANONYMOUSLY IF YOU WISH)
We use traditions similar to the original 12 step designers, simply because they work. Our 8th Tradition reads "Our outreach work is nonprofessional although we may employ workers for special service requirements"
The original 12 steppers used a program that today is called "Back To Basics"
One of the co founders of AA would take the prospective member through the 12 steps as quickly as possible so that he/she would start to learn of the spiritual nature of the program. He would sometimes do this in the same day. However, today we use a variation of this to take the 12 steps in 4 sessions over a 4 week period. Basically the newcomer is taught to pray (to whomever/whatever) and receive answers to her/his dilemma. Next he/she tries to bring someone else through the same process and so on and so on. This is NONPROFESSIONAL outreach, the wounded reaching out to the wounded. This was the missing ingredient originally. The relief felt by the hurting as they reach out and keep on taking the steps is enough to keep members coming back. We hear so often "we must give it away in order to keep it". AA was able to achieve documented success rates of up to 75% using this simple formula. It was only when Bob and Bill (co founders of AA) went out together to to find and help other alcoholics, take them through the steps and send them out looking, that the ball was in play.
Grass roots reaching out to those in need, no fancy programs:
-share my story with someone
-bring someone to a "Back To Basics" four week session
-help him/her find someone else
Sharing The Burden was started specifically to make 12 step healing available to anyone who felt troubled or affected by a relationship (past or present). We determined that unless someone existed in a vacuum, he/she would qualify to a degree. That was the idea, everyone can benefit so let's expose it.
In Co-Dependency type 12 step programs, I see the need for a much greater effort here. By co-dependency programs, I mean programs for those affected by someone else's addiction, regardless the addiction specifically. We all know several needy people but how do we expose the gift without promoting? This can be a problem due to anmonymitry, the basis for the original 12 step program.
We feel we have overcome this problem to an extent in Sharing The Burden because there is no qualification of any type, all are welcome to take part. Eventually we believe most people will see the value in 12 step work and seek out specific programs that already exist. If not we will offer other alternative ideas at that time.
It is so important that each and every person realize how valuable they are in this process. this 8th tradition demonstrates the truth that "each of us holds some knowledge we all need and someone may need it now and find it life-saving". We MUST share our burdens to heal and grow and this NONPROFESSIONAL 12 step approach with the help of these traditions is, to me, by far, the simplest and best way to give absolutely anyone the equal honour of participating and making integral contributions to peoples' lives.
WE NEED LOTS OF HELP!
PLEASE COMMENT (ANONYMOUSLY IF YOU WISH)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Loneliness not practical
Loneliness and isolation seem to accompany guilt and shame. Guilt, fear of being hurt or rejected can keep us from accepting the love others have for us. Being willing to accept their love is part of the preparation for making amends. I ended up in scripture, as usual, trying to unravel this stuff in my own life and found help in the Life Recovery Bible (NLT) where the commentator spoke of overcoming loneliness to properly complete step 8 and referred to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 where the practical alliance of 2 or more clearly makes more sense e.g. two can keep warm, 2 back to back make a strong defence, 3 are even better just as a triple-braided cord is so strong.
So maybe a good way to pray my way through this step is to ask for the willingness to accept love, help and companionship in the simple knowledge that this wisdom is not only from the Good Book but is very practical advice for anyone.
Another point regarding love from scripture points out that all the greatest deeds if not properly motivated, that is by unconditional love, are useless. The codependent type love attached to addiction generally falls in to this category. Our enabling ways are rarely love-motivated and are usually initiated to gain a false sense of control and momentary relief. Taking the steps and deciding to make decisions truly based on love for the sick person and ourselves (also sick), will often change the direction of a life (especially our own). I find being honest with myself about what motivates me to do things, dramatically improves the way I feel about me (esteem). To make real amends, the motivation must be more than making me feel better. Loving each and every person and sincerely wanting the best for each of them must be at the centre of any true amend, for me anyway. I must take these preparatory steps to strengthen and steady me for the process. I feel I must be humble yet sturdy in my amending journey.
``Dear Lord, please fill me with unconditional love that I may add something of value to those I must make amends to!``
So maybe a good way to pray my way through this step is to ask for the willingness to accept love, help and companionship in the simple knowledge that this wisdom is not only from the Good Book but is very practical advice for anyone.
Another point regarding love from scripture points out that all the greatest deeds if not properly motivated, that is by unconditional love, are useless. The codependent type love attached to addiction generally falls in to this category. Our enabling ways are rarely love-motivated and are usually initiated to gain a false sense of control and momentary relief. Taking the steps and deciding to make decisions truly based on love for the sick person and ourselves (also sick), will often change the direction of a life (especially our own). I find being honest with myself about what motivates me to do things, dramatically improves the way I feel about me (esteem). To make real amends, the motivation must be more than making me feel better. Loving each and every person and sincerely wanting the best for each of them must be at the centre of any true amend, for me anyway. I must take these preparatory steps to strengthen and steady me for the process. I feel I must be humble yet sturdy in my amending journey.
``Dear Lord, please fill me with unconditional love that I may add something of value to those I must make amends to!``
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Step 8
Just to keep the steps and benefits of 12 step work clear in mind:
12 Steps to Spiritual Recovery!
1- We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.
4- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5- Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6- Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.
7- Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.
8- Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
12- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
(Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)
Various Claims of Promise from 12 Steppers
1-We will find ourselves worthy of love and able to love others. We will not lose ourselves.
2-Courage and fellowship will replace fear.
3-Our lives will yield hope to share with others.
4-We will come to know the vastness of our emotions without being in slavery to them.
5-Learning to forgive, we will no longer be bound by our secrets to live in shame.
6-Serenity and peace will have meaning for us.
7-We will allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with spiritual ease, balance and grace.
8-Attitude and outlook will be renewed.
9-Intuition will guide us to handle situations that were impossible in the past.
10-We will not regret the past recognizing its value for other sufferers.
11-Selfish interests will fall away as we gain interest in others.
12-Faith and gratitude will replace fear as we realize that a Greater Power is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Thoughts resulting from a 715 club step8 meeting this AM:
....we must be willing to review the history of a lifetime of relationships
...if we have been wounded by others in childhood, it is important that we discover how to engage in the necessary self-nurturing and re parenting activities as means of healing the wounded child we carry within us
....if our inventory of past relationships reveals that Love was missing, marginal or mixed with pain in childhood experiences, we must grieve that loss and seek new sources of healthy re parenting
12 Steps to Spiritual Recovery!
1- We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.
4- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5- Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6- Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.
7- Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.
8- Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
12- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
(Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)
Various Claims of Promise from 12 Steppers
1-We will find ourselves worthy of love and able to love others. We will not lose ourselves.
2-Courage and fellowship will replace fear.
3-Our lives will yield hope to share with others.
4-We will come to know the vastness of our emotions without being in slavery to them.
5-Learning to forgive, we will no longer be bound by our secrets to live in shame.
6-Serenity and peace will have meaning for us.
7-We will allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with spiritual ease, balance and grace.
8-Attitude and outlook will be renewed.
9-Intuition will guide us to handle situations that were impossible in the past.
10-We will not regret the past recognizing its value for other sufferers.
11-Selfish interests will fall away as we gain interest in others.
12-Faith and gratitude will replace fear as we realize that a Greater Power is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Thoughts resulting from a 715 club step8 meeting this AM:
....we must be willing to review the history of a lifetime of relationships
...if we have been wounded by others in childhood, it is important that we discover how to engage in the necessary self-nurturing and re parenting activities as means of healing the wounded child we carry within us
....if our inventory of past relationships reveals that Love was missing, marginal or mixed with pain in childhood experiences, we must grieve that loss and seek new sources of healthy re parenting
Scripture reminds us John 13:34-35 that we should be klnown for our capacity to love http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+13:34-35
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The end or the beiginning?
Well we buried dad Monday as the Ste Anne de Bellevue veteran's hospital became his Last Post. He fought the good fight, his family celebrated his life in style both in church and at the grave site and now his remains rest in the National Field of Honour in Pte Claire (west island Montreal) with many of his fallen comrades. What a simple humble ending to a simple humble life (earthly life that is).
Bear with me as I relate a story of love and full circle recovery of a relationship before we really get into step 8. First I will say only one thing about step 8 (made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all). BEGIN BY SIMPLY SAYING TO YOURSELF EACH AND EVERY NAME YOU CAN THINK OF (PEOPLE YOU KNOW/KNEW OF COURSE), AND ANYONE OF THESE THAT CREATES A NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE OF ANY KIND, IS A POSSIBLE CANDIDATE FOR SOME KIND OF AMENDING. THINK NO FURTHER AT THIS POINT AND SIMPLY PUT DOWN THE NAME ON YOUR LIST OF POSSIBLES.
Dad and mom survived 62 years of marriage before dad passed July 25/09. They both ended up in the veteran's hospital after so many years of trial and tribulations. The following is something I waited all my life to see:
When I visit my folks I generally pick up mom from her area of the facility and then together we go to visit dad. About 6 weeks ago I arrived in Montreal and went directly to the hospital. I dropped into mom's area and no mom. Oh well I will visit dad and find mom later. Now to my knowledge at this point mom could not leave her area without an escort. Well as I rounded the corner and peered into his area, I could see his little cubicle about 50 feet into the ward. Dad's back was to the wall and mom was sitting opposite him. They were looking into each others eyes, smiling and holding hands as they conversed. I had never seen this before and to see my two parents in love was the fairy tale ending to a story that spanned 62 years of hard fought relationship with every reason in the book for failure. They fought the odds and finished victorious. Two veterans of the second world war spending their last weeks together. So beautiful to me!!
Did that love end with dad passing away; I don't think so?
Minutes before dad's death as Mom, Wendie (my sister) and I surrounded dad and physically hung onto him, mom said several times "look how young he is looking, isn't that amazing?" and then after his body lay lifeless, mom said to me "did you see him standing there leaning, he was young and tall just like you?" I said "no mom, that must be God's gift to you. In speaking at his funeral service Monday, I told this story and related how I had gone away from the hospital after dad died and searched scripture for help. First Corinthians chapter 15 was the answer http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+15 These verses talk about the spiritual bodies that replace the natural bodies of the deceased believer. This provided such hope. Maybe mom actually saw one of these bodies. Wow that's exciting!
Sad, absolutely, but what a wonderful experience to know one another's love and to feel it bloom at the close of such a turbulent life long struggle; their love had survived and they both know it now and forever! Victory and hope-is there anything greater?
Bear with me as I relate a story of love and full circle recovery of a relationship before we really get into step 8. First I will say only one thing about step 8 (made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all). BEGIN BY SIMPLY SAYING TO YOURSELF EACH AND EVERY NAME YOU CAN THINK OF (PEOPLE YOU KNOW/KNEW OF COURSE), AND ANYONE OF THESE THAT CREATES A NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE OF ANY KIND, IS A POSSIBLE CANDIDATE FOR SOME KIND OF AMENDING. THINK NO FURTHER AT THIS POINT AND SIMPLY PUT DOWN THE NAME ON YOUR LIST OF POSSIBLES.
Dad and mom survived 62 years of marriage before dad passed July 25/09. They both ended up in the veteran's hospital after so many years of trial and tribulations. The following is something I waited all my life to see:
When I visit my folks I generally pick up mom from her area of the facility and then together we go to visit dad. About 6 weeks ago I arrived in Montreal and went directly to the hospital. I dropped into mom's area and no mom. Oh well I will visit dad and find mom later. Now to my knowledge at this point mom could not leave her area without an escort. Well as I rounded the corner and peered into his area, I could see his little cubicle about 50 feet into the ward. Dad's back was to the wall and mom was sitting opposite him. They were looking into each others eyes, smiling and holding hands as they conversed. I had never seen this before and to see my two parents in love was the fairy tale ending to a story that spanned 62 years of hard fought relationship with every reason in the book for failure. They fought the odds and finished victorious. Two veterans of the second world war spending their last weeks together. So beautiful to me!!
Did that love end with dad passing away; I don't think so?
Minutes before dad's death as Mom, Wendie (my sister) and I surrounded dad and physically hung onto him, mom said several times "look how young he is looking, isn't that amazing?" and then after his body lay lifeless, mom said to me "did you see him standing there leaning, he was young and tall just like you?" I said "no mom, that must be God's gift to you. In speaking at his funeral service Monday, I told this story and related how I had gone away from the hospital after dad died and searched scripture for help. First Corinthians chapter 15 was the answer http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+15 These verses talk about the spiritual bodies that replace the natural bodies of the deceased believer. This provided such hope. Maybe mom actually saw one of these bodies. Wow that's exciting!
Sad, absolutely, but what a wonderful experience to know one another's love and to feel it bloom at the close of such a turbulent life long struggle; their love had survived and they both know it now and forever! Victory and hope-is there anything greater?
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