Fundamentally i doubt if we really do change. I see improved handling of situations and some far better habits; yet triggers can bring back the feelings of yester-year in a heartbeat. Today, the what-to-do-about-it, is known and often habitual, as long as my program for life is in my face and i am living its principles. I must be working the program (prayer, steps, reaching out, meetings) every day to be prepared for the downturn. So i am a better coper by far; but am i really a new person as scripture says of the believer? Is a new person someone who acts differently because of programming and smarter intake of info (boundaries etc)? Have I changed fundamentally or can I slip back to the same or worse than before, but for the grace of God? How much power do i really have and do i have the faith to stand on the Word of God when up against the wall; will I take scripture literally when my life feels endangered or will I do as animal instinct tells me and strike out or flee?? Large questions for me, however, I know that whether i have changed fundamentally or not, I am far wiser than initially and cope far better than pre-12 step ( codependent living-hide, bury, drink, manipulate, fix, act, put-down, put off, offer advice to improve your life etc etc). So changed or not at the root, we can leave the answer to God, the only person I believe Who really knows.
Step 10 gives me the best shot at getting to the bottom or deepest possible level of understanding! If my energy is not wasted on "what if" or "maybe tomorrow", it can go to processing the moment NOW, in the purest possible fashion. As a free man living current, life is reasonable in all areas! This represents a balance in existence for this stepper anyway!
Step 10 is the KEEP-ON-TRACK step and the one that will go the furthest to creating on-going healthy relationships-current and up-to-date (so Scott believes anyway)!
scott@SharingTheBurden.ca
http://sharingtheburden.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/sharingburden
www.SharingTheBurden.ca
Sunday, October 4, 2009
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