Step4 congrats Scott!

I was honest, did my best and I feel lighter with:

"Who amI and why amI"?I was once told-"be excited and go tell your meetings that you have taken the step"The step is a glimpse of Scott for the moment! "Congrats my friend and I know you better yet!"

Step5 begins tomorrow-"Admitted to that Power (God), to myself and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

The confession step begins its healing wonder............

Sharing Day

Building up to step5 and thnking a lot about functioning when away down in the dumps.
While asking in prayer for some help about this (I was praying /writing, praying/writing everything that came into my head) the thought "share it in the blog" appeared to which I said "how" and the next thought which hung around for a while was "1-12" over and over. I figured it meant using the 12 steps, but I did not have total peace about the answer so prayed some more and the thought changed slightly (not the sound of it to my mind) to "1,2,12". Now I looked at those 3 steps and what they said to me at the time was:

1-I was Powerless
2-found the Power (God for me)
12-Share the Power

For me it meant when I was hurting, I must share with someone else in troule. That person will show up somehow and my situation will come in line. It was also a manageable feat at the time to focus on the simplicity of the message rather than to be trying to think about the whole program as a solution. This sort of thing happens often to me when I am really working my program!
Steps from www.SharingTheBurden.ca
12 Steps
1-We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2-Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3-Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.
4-Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5-Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6-Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.
7-Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.
8-Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9-Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10-Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11-Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
12-Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)

Step 4 unending and 1-4

For anyone interested here are steps 1-4 and remember all 12 are available along with 12 stepper claims at www.SharingTheBurden.ca


1-We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2-Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3-Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.
4-Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

SHARING-It is amazing to me that after all the soul searching and mental/emotional work tied into step 4, that after all the ones I've done , there is always a clarity attached to the points that seem to be new. This month, having done a lot of listening/sharing with various people from at least 3 different 12 step fellowships and having thought about step4 pretty much everyday at one time or another, there is something very clear for me: where I am hurting the most (in my case that relates to a decade long battle with clinical depression) is where I must seek out others in that boat by being wherever I can share my NOW. A new strength, previously unavailable to me, presents itself to make me completely-maybe even extraordinarily capable to function in that environment only. I am valuable and available to focus on this task alone-to all else I am dead. This is a very important revelation to me! Where previously I would be virtually paralyzed to functionality when in this state (or so I thought), now I can be of supreme value if I follow answers to prayer received as I work my program. The other glaring thing is that my focus in my decision-making process must be spiritually motivated rather than financially motivated. OH TO BE TRULY UNSELFISH-WHAT A GIFT THAT WOULD BE!!

Thinking about Step 5? Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 4 prayer

Four spiritual friends met this AM (715 Club) and discussed step4 for the last time this April. I felt excitement as we shared so deeply about about who we are and how much more of spiritual journey lay ahead. To me each seemed closer both to me and her/his God than at the beginning of April.

Prayer and narrowing of feelings/thoughts is happening as I now know what needs immediate attention in my life. I have enough of me both in writing and in my head to say that step4 is once again complete. I will let all settle as I think about sharing my work with a trusted friend (fellow 12 stepper and or a professional) during May.

By the way I work the steps everyday and share whatever needs to be shared as it happens. I am not suggesting for a moment that anyone do step5 only in May because it is the 5th month. For the purpose of this blog and universal sharing I will comment many times each month on the corresponding step, so we can create a larger sense of recovery everywhere for all who will paticipate. Healing is the goal for all of us. If my program is healing me and that was my motivation (it must not be to fix another), then I beleive that my program is spiritual in its results. Personally I think people need to very quickly take all the steps to get to a sense of spiritual connection and thereafter to work diligently and in an ongoing way each of the steps IN ORDER and always with 12 step partners.

Step 4....who am I

We learn from the originator of the 12 steps (according to AA's literature) that recovery is within the reach of all except those who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. Well again more study of who I am and how I experience everything aspect of a day, is in order.

Whatever I will share in the next step with God who knows whether I am honest or not and with myself (who is seriously trying to find out) and finally with a trusted person, this inventory will be right.

In the sharing (with a person in Step5) I will know by how I feel as I speak, whether I am being totally honest or somewhat witholding etc. Where I am in my own recovery, it usually boils down to a discussion around 1-what I am feeling good about and 2-what is triggering anything uncomfortable in my feelings. Solutions are very close at this point for me. Notice I said, discuss the good before the other.

I sense I am very nearly ready to share so prayer is now (always is) crucial. For me that means pray write listen write pray write listen and so on and so on until it all seems to stop. Now review of it all and what will I (we if you use partner type two-way prayer like I do) learn. It is never too late to uncover and recover. This is discovery!! A favourite saying for me is "discover and recover". In other words if I discover it through the process (my working the steps), I can use the wisdom to heal me. If you tell me or teach me or give me unsolicited info of any kind. if you try to manipulate a situatiuon that you think will help me, then I believe the motivation is completely wrong and the results will be anything but spiritual and spiritual answers require NO HELP from people. As I ask people who are interested in this philosophy "do you really want a spiritual answer to your problem(s)? Men/women do not provide spiritual answers although spiritual discovery sometimes happens through others' words or behaviours BUT only when the motivation of such people was inward healing/growth for themselves rather than fixing/controlling/helping/changing/enabling/looking after, someone else. All this to say beware of the roll of the trusted person you will talk to when sharing Step5!!!!

Step 4 some more....

While making this searching and fearless moral inventory of me, I ask how do I spend time looking at /really seeing this Scott.
I have learned that to make a conscious effort to step outside of myself and to look at exactly how I do each thing that I do-whether it be simply looking at my hand movement during expression or watching my entire body as I walk; this observance of me as I express care and concern for how I was created and how I operate helps me to love myself. This decision (loving myself) was one that freed me of much burden and guilt. I do accept responsibility for where I am in life so that I can move on, however, the creation of me, my history and my path I see as something preplanned by God with concepts away beyond anything I will ever comprehend. That being said I honestly believe that everyone of us always does his/her best. The forgiving of me and the resulting sense of freedom allows real clear views of who I am as I undertake to be honest with an inventory. I will continue to spend lots of time simply observing, getting to know, not judging and loving this creature called Scott. Just like the most important relationship in my life (God), this relationship with me deserves much time love and nurturing if it is ever going to be workable

Step4 ongoing

As I take inventory and study me, what do I do about my brother's errors (his is not my inventory). If we are all part of something larger, isn't everyone's problem our problem?
Prayerfully I will approach my brother in love and then may have to cast him to the wolves in love. I can only love him from here on in. I believe I have done my part. Back to me!!

Step 4

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. This is ongoing and never ending so immediately I take a sheet of paper and on the left I write something I like or that is favourable about me and on the right, something I do not like about me. I continue until no more favourable things come to mind. I discuss anything that brings heavy emotional response with a trusted STEPPER who will only listen and encourage me. No advice, suggestion, unsolicited info of any kind will be acceptable while I am sharing my inventory item. I decide to believe that my Power (God) is in charge because I turned everything over to him/her in step 3 and I am told the answers are spiritual. I will work on step 4 with different groups throughout April as this is the format for many 12 step programs (work the corresponding steps 1-12 in the corresponding months Jan-Dec, therefore 4th month April means Step 4). So I have taken Step 4 to the best of my ability for now and I will prepare my thoughts to soon take Step 5 where again I will share in a safe environment with no unsolicited feedback, knowing that the spiritual aspect will guide us both. Yes I am running through these steps quickly so that I can see (glimpse) the whole program and get that spiritual connection that will later undergird and support me in the deeper probing of me and my whole life.

Personal thought from AM readings today where a favourite writer said "life is on the move and you are stuck, life flows, is free and flexible and carries all things away and you crave for stability and permanence. When you cling to nothing, have no fear of losing anything, then you are free to flow like the mountain stream that is always fresh and sparkling and alive." BEWARE OF RULES, STRUCTURE AND OTHER PEOPLE'S IDEAS AND WAYS, LEST THEY REALLY BE TEACHING WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO MAKE THEM HAPPY. CONTROL IS A MAJOR ENEMY AND ITS POWER LIES IN THE HAND OF THE LENDER OR GIVER OF IT. I believe freedom exists wherever we do not exert control and it is a spiritual gift available to the degree that I do not force it!

Step 5 awaits me now so I will spend time talking and writing all aspects of 2-way conversation with my Spiritual Power (God). The more I communicate, the better I come to know my most important friend

Step 3

I NOW turn my will and my life over to that Power (God). Here I am, I have made the decision and I am here. I have taken Step 3 so that I can share and be spiritually supported as I move to Step 4

Step 2

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. There are many who understand my feelings of shame and they did not rely on man. I will take step 2-I accept and decide to believe that my understanding of that Power (God) is restoring me to sanity NOW!

I sense a freedom in the distance. I will move to step 3 and make another decision soon....!

Step 1

We admitted we were powerless over our problem (whatever relationship that entailed)
Now we can reach out for help and Share The burden with someone who has already reached out. Step 2-about believing is now possible

Powerlessness is overwhelmingly freeing and this can be ours...