Some friends and I meet weekly (Sunday 715AM) to take the steps in a spiritual program (Judeo-Christian based). Please do not take this is a qualifier of any kind on any level. I have said before all are welcome to take the steps with"Sharing The Burden" regardless the type of faith one may have. I learn so much about the steps applications to my personal life through this program and I want to share something that hit me last Sunday. The reference was to Step 5 referring to Proverbs 28:13-14. anyway the writer writes:"Without confession, our deepest emotional pains, including fear, anger and resentment remain buried within us like corrosive agents similar to toxic environmental wastes, these buried toxic emotions eventually leak out to contaminate all of our vital relationships" and further on this person says: "If we cling to these old poisons we run the grave risk of excluding God's healing mercy"
My question to myself is what kind of secretive behaviours exist in you Scott?
-Do you ever withhold feelings toward others for example?
-Do you think that not expressing any kind of feeling is healthy?
-What sort of damage will I be contributing to in the future by allowing a) good feelings to wither,unexpressed or b) burying unhealthy thoughts/feelings toward others or myself.
I BELIEVE UNSHARED OR NON-CONFESSED EMOTION WILL CREATE DAMAGE IN EVERY OUTWARD DIRECTION AS WELL AS INWARD. IT IS AS THOUGH ONE IS INCOMPLETE WITHOUT TOTAL EXPRESSION-SHARE SHARE SHARE SHARE!!!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Step 6 preparation
Have not focused too heavily of late as I think about what God may decide is removable in me (my wrongs). Step 6 is about readiness therefore action is suggested. By this I mean when I have discovered something through the inventory process that is a defect, have I had a look at my part in the solution, have I done everything I could to repair this problem?
My biggest single defect for years has been depression and after many years of this struggle, there is not much else in life that I would rather drop than this robber of life. Am I ready to be without it, or could it be something God leaves me with so that I can share the struggles and the hope and the coping with others. I think of alcoholism sometimes and liken this situation to the alcoholic who is able to stop the drinking but cannot be rid of the powerful desire and its side effects (energy loss, motivation struggles, focus etc)?
I was in an institution last night (a jail where I do 12 step meetings) and because depression has been my burden of late, I shared it it when it was my turn. I believe that changed the course of thought totally and pretty much everyone identified. We wonder then in this setting, just how much of life's happenings are attributable to this dilemma of feelings that people will do almost anything to escape from (addiction, control, codependency loom). So once again the sharing at 12 step meetings has brought the feeling of fruitfulness to my life even in the midst of and maybe especially as a result of depression (my current dilemma). I went home encouraged and PURPOSEFUL.
We all want positive answers to those two questions "WHO and WHY am I?" This form of service, an integral part of my recovery, is a huge step in the right direction. For me this type of spiritual reward makes it all worth while no matter what the cost!!
Another word about Step 5 before I forget. Scott's thought only here (never advice). When I choose a person to confess to, I want to know that person will pray for me. If I believe this is a spiritual program, then for me this is of utmost importance!!
My biggest single defect for years has been depression and after many years of this struggle, there is not much else in life that I would rather drop than this robber of life. Am I ready to be without it, or could it be something God leaves me with so that I can share the struggles and the hope and the coping with others. I think of alcoholism sometimes and liken this situation to the alcoholic who is able to stop the drinking but cannot be rid of the powerful desire and its side effects (energy loss, motivation struggles, focus etc)?
I was in an institution last night (a jail where I do 12 step meetings) and because depression has been my burden of late, I shared it it when it was my turn. I believe that changed the course of thought totally and pretty much everyone identified. We wonder then in this setting, just how much of life's happenings are attributable to this dilemma of feelings that people will do almost anything to escape from (addiction, control, codependency loom). So once again the sharing at 12 step meetings has brought the feeling of fruitfulness to my life even in the midst of and maybe especially as a result of depression (my current dilemma). I went home encouraged and PURPOSEFUL.
We all want positive answers to those two questions "WHO and WHY am I?" This form of service, an integral part of my recovery, is a huge step in the right direction. For me this type of spiritual reward makes it all worth while no matter what the cost!!
Another word about Step 5 before I forget. Scott's thought only here (never advice). When I choose a person to confess to, I want to know that person will pray for me. If I believe this is a spiritual program, then for me this is of utmost importance!!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Prodigal's brother blinded
As I recently took step5 I wondered what new findings would appear in times to come. I mentioned in another sharing that a good prayer for me was along the line "please search me and reveal to me anything I am blinded to or in denial of!"
When I think of the story of the prodigal who saw the error in his ways and the simple fact that he like everyone else falls short and needs help to recover. The brother on the other hand could only see his own goodness and his brother's shortcomings. This was a great reminder for me to focus on me and not you in order to see the fullness of me, the good, the bad and the ugly, undiluted by others' lives and their inventories.
This is one of the 12 step's major gifts to me-to see things in myself that I have seen before and not really seen to the point of action. Now is the time sort of thing! With clear definition I see something in me and decide with full intention to give it the awareness it deserves. This is why I have chosen and hope to always stick to a life of recovery (growth); the unveiling never ends and the excitement attached to seeing myself differently is powerful!!
Another neat thing this week. Because step5 is somewhat the epitome of sharing, I end up doing a lot of it everywhere I go and the rough spots are weakened as they dilute sharing after sharing after sharing.............
A close friend asked "are you holding onto something you do not want?" Sounds simple but the answer is YES I AM. The point-it took that exchange and love of a friend, enough love to challenge the likes of me! Now I can use the slogan "let go and let God" with specific intention. Awareness is freedom!
There is magic in the steps, do I take them or read about them?
When I think of the story of the prodigal who saw the error in his ways and the simple fact that he like everyone else falls short and needs help to recover. The brother on the other hand could only see his own goodness and his brother's shortcomings. This was a great reminder for me to focus on me and not you in order to see the fullness of me, the good, the bad and the ugly, undiluted by others' lives and their inventories.
This is one of the 12 step's major gifts to me-to see things in myself that I have seen before and not really seen to the point of action. Now is the time sort of thing! With clear definition I see something in me and decide with full intention to give it the awareness it deserves. This is why I have chosen and hope to always stick to a life of recovery (growth); the unveiling never ends and the excitement attached to seeing myself differently is powerful!!
Another neat thing this week. Because step5 is somewhat the epitome of sharing, I end up doing a lot of it everywhere I go and the rough spots are weakened as they dilute sharing after sharing after sharing.............
A close friend asked "are you holding onto something you do not want?" Sounds simple but the answer is YES I AM. The point-it took that exchange and love of a friend, enough love to challenge the likes of me! Now I can use the slogan "let go and let God" with specific intention. Awareness is freedom!
There is magic in the steps, do I take them or read about them?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Recovery for others....
As I share my dream of getting 12 step help to all in need, I find the biggest stumbling block to be education. Seems most who spend a lifetime in relationship with troubled people rarely get the help they need because their focus is on the OTHER PERSON'S PROBLEM. We who find recovery through others' illnesses learn that we have a huge part in our own health or lack thereof. We are blessed, in that, we are forced to have a look at ourselves and accept full responsibility for where we are in life. Only in this acceptance can we move ahead toward health and productive living. So many of us have simply accepted a sad existence as normal, not realizing that it could be better!!
Our 12 step philosophy requires that we get to Step 4 before we do any real in depth soul searching. Unfortunately this takes many people a long time and they may not stick it out.
I believe as did the founders of the original 12 step program that 2 key things must happen to effect real recovery 1-The Spiritual connection must be sought immediately and 2-the new member must immediately reach out to help someone in similar circumstances (do service).
The best way to do this is to quickly run people through the 12 steps and demonstrate how others have reached out to a sense of Spirituality (God) and have changed on the inside. People Sharing The Burden whatever it may be. A new sense of freedom is often found very early on and this excitement can make the difference for someone else and so on and so on.
In my life (at lowest points), I find that if I can get to a place of sharing, I can stay productive, functional and available. This is where the spiritual aspect of the program seems to kick in. Drag me to the meeting and the reality/purity of the hurtful sharing will accomplish a host of healing for me and often someone else will receive a blessing too (better if I don't know about it). To keep the pain to myself may rob someone of recovery and as a seasoned 12 stepper once told me may even make the difference of life or death for someone. We can ill-afford to keep our secret hurts from saving lives!!
PLEASE COMMENT OR GET IN TOUCH AND HELP ME REACH THE NEEDY! HIT THE COMMENTS (IN GREEN SHADING BOTTOM OF EACH POST-DO IT ANONYMOUSLY IF YOU WISH)
12 Steps1-We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable.2-Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.3-Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.4-Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.5-Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.6-Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.7-Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.8-Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.9-Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.10-Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.11-Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.12-Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)
www.SharingTheBurden.ca
Come and take the 12 steps to freedom!
Our 12 step philosophy requires that we get to Step 4 before we do any real in depth soul searching. Unfortunately this takes many people a long time and they may not stick it out.
I believe as did the founders of the original 12 step program that 2 key things must happen to effect real recovery 1-The Spiritual connection must be sought immediately and 2-the new member must immediately reach out to help someone in similar circumstances (do service).
The best way to do this is to quickly run people through the 12 steps and demonstrate how others have reached out to a sense of Spirituality (God) and have changed on the inside. People Sharing The Burden whatever it may be. A new sense of freedom is often found very early on and this excitement can make the difference for someone else and so on and so on.
In my life (at lowest points), I find that if I can get to a place of sharing, I can stay productive, functional and available. This is where the spiritual aspect of the program seems to kick in. Drag me to the meeting and the reality/purity of the hurtful sharing will accomplish a host of healing for me and often someone else will receive a blessing too (better if I don't know about it). To keep the pain to myself may rob someone of recovery and as a seasoned 12 stepper once told me may even make the difference of life or death for someone. We can ill-afford to keep our secret hurts from saving lives!!
PLEASE COMMENT OR GET IN TOUCH AND HELP ME REACH THE NEEDY! HIT THE COMMENTS (IN GREEN SHADING BOTTOM OF EACH POST-DO IT ANONYMOUSLY IF YOU WISH)
12 Steps1-We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable.2-Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.3-Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.4-Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.5-Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.6-Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.7-Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.8-Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.9-Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.10-Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.11-Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.12-Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)
www.SharingTheBurden.ca
Come and take the 12 steps to freedom!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Step5-about truth/honesty
Step 5 drives me to scripture in a very profound way. I am ever so aware of my sense of nakedness or transparency and want so much to cover up. This sense, for me, stems from feelings of imperfection or flaw-the human condition possibly. I am reminded of scripture that speaks of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden when simultaneous to their disobedience or sin they became aware of their nakedness and its discomfort. Then I think of the other that says "the truth shall you free" I suppose freedom in transparency exists only in 100% truthful situations (no agendas/properly motivated/nothing missing)
I am hungry to know the whole truth about myself and my prayer can be "what is the truth about me?" in any particular area of concern
I think I am being made to understand that any undisclosed or secretive areas that I keep covered up must at some point be uncovered if I am to experience complete recovery there
I am hungry to know the whole truth about myself and my prayer can be "what is the truth about me?" in any particular area of concern
I think I am being made to understand that any undisclosed or secretive areas that I keep covered up must at some point be uncovered if I am to experience complete recovery there
Thursday, May 7, 2009
5 continues
In a spiritual step5 reading this AM, denial was the topic. How do we admit or confess what we are blinded to?
What do I condemn in others was the answer?
Those very problems that I decide or think or notice in others are likely mine and /or the answer to what I don't see as a problem in myself (that which I am in denial of). What character trait do I give power to in my own life as I condemn it in another? I must watch for jealousy as well! Do I resent in someone else what I want but cannot have for me? Is there really, possibly, at a subtle level, THE FLAW that co-dependants inevitably take ownership of as recovery happens to them-yes CONTROL? What am I trying to change outside of me?
Final though today for me-"where do I try to influence anyone and why?".
What do I condemn in others was the answer?
Those very problems that I decide or think or notice in others are likely mine and /or the answer to what I don't see as a problem in myself (that which I am in denial of). What character trait do I give power to in my own life as I condemn it in another? I must watch for jealousy as well! Do I resent in someone else what I want but cannot have for me? Is there really, possibly, at a subtle level, THE FLAW that co-dependants inevitably take ownership of as recovery happens to them-yes CONTROL? What am I trying to change outside of me?
Final though today for me-"where do I try to influence anyone and why?".
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Step5...........deep down
Trusting that the sharing of the "not-so-nice-about-me-stuff (my perspective of course)" will not result in more shame is of paramount importance to me. There needs to be a format that is to be followed and the main point is that there will be absolutely no feedback unless I ask for it. I will ask for feedback, by the way, and I will live with the the feelings created thereby! Imagine how effective and how much more productive we could be if we knew everytime we talked that we could relax and talk uininterrupted from the heart until we were finished, with no feedback unless we asked for it. I can sense the potential differences at the deepest level. The world's people have decided they do not have to control me and change me to be a way that will make THEM happy-what a dream-freedom at last to be who I am-wow!
This predetermined type sharing format allows me a comfort that promotes real sharing from the heart and should new things arise as I speak, I will not be afraid to express them because I feel safe (no unpredictability is creating fear). I have found someone like this who happens to be a professional. My personal preference here has a lot to do with my sense that after I have done as much as I can myself and with 12 step confidants, I feel my questions likely require response on a professional level (don't misunderstand me here, the sharing with other 12 steppers/partners/sponsors at intimate levels and one on one, is very important and in my opinion should not be avoided).
As with so many fellow 12 steppers, clinical depression is an unwelcome part of my story. As part of my 5th step, this problem takes up far too much attention. I try not to give it power by focusing on it, however, come step4+5 time I take a good hard look at it and share in depth what it feels like to me. This is another reason why my sharing partner here is a professional. He is aware of my history and can objectively see change-good bad or indifferent.
My step5 meeting is this Friday and without expectations I go in the hope that, as has always been the case in the past, I will return encouraged with a renewed sense of direction. Generally, to the degree that I have done my part in the digging and sharing, to that degree the results of this meeting will be successful. I feel good about my part. The rest is pretty much spiritual and I will seek God's help every inch of the way
This predetermined type sharing format allows me a comfort that promotes real sharing from the heart and should new things arise as I speak, I will not be afraid to express them because I feel safe (no unpredictability is creating fear). I have found someone like this who happens to be a professional. My personal preference here has a lot to do with my sense that after I have done as much as I can myself and with 12 step confidants, I feel my questions likely require response on a professional level (don't misunderstand me here, the sharing with other 12 steppers/partners/sponsors at intimate levels and one on one, is very important and in my opinion should not be avoided).
As with so many fellow 12 steppers, clinical depression is an unwelcome part of my story. As part of my 5th step, this problem takes up far too much attention. I try not to give it power by focusing on it, however, come step4+5 time I take a good hard look at it and share in depth what it feels like to me. This is another reason why my sharing partner here is a professional. He is aware of my history and can objectively see change-good bad or indifferent.
My step5 meeting is this Friday and without expectations I go in the hope that, as has always been the case in the past, I will return encouraged with a renewed sense of direction. Generally, to the degree that I have done my part in the digging and sharing, to that degree the results of this meeting will be successful. I feel good about my part. The rest is pretty much spiritual and I will seek God's help every inch of the way
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Step5 continues-shame
My inventory brought to light the usual discomfort with things in my life that at present are not going my way. The underlying feeling though, when I trace it down to its root is usually the same old SHAME (at a deep level I don't feel good about who I think Iam). My awareness of the fact today that these feelings are not fact and they do not mean that I am worth less than anyone, allows this uncomforable feeling to pass reasonably quickly and I can move in the direction I was heading once again. I am, after all, a perfectly created being with a perfect path and destiny. To deny or accept anything less is an insult to my creator (God). The feeling hurts but I will not give it anymore power. I hereby give it to God, ponder it with me and SHARE it with you.
Revealed to me through others sharing at 715 club this AM:The shame can spill into my program when I confess/share something as above and then find that I am still stuck with the defect. I must be very careful not to accept the feeling/lie that God did not find me worthy of removing this problem-I can't even succeed at this 12 step thing no matter how hard I work.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Step5 begins
From opacity to transparency
Here I am to be seen naked, emotionally and spiritually, by my creator (God in my case), myself and another human being. Vulnerability and humility are the mix for me in this. The clarity of the aloneness as I get ready to take the step is profound. Strange somehow as I sense my God and my own presence, both of which I will take into my human confidant's presence as well. Three yet that sense of alone in the taking of he step as I am the only one of the three who is actually taking the step. Heavy deep stuff for this guy and time to ponder........................
step5 from www.SharingTheBurden.ca
12 Steps
We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5-Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)
Here I am to be seen naked, emotionally and spiritually, by my creator (God in my case), myself and another human being. Vulnerability and humility are the mix for me in this. The clarity of the aloneness as I get ready to take the step is profound. Strange somehow as I sense my God and my own presence, both of which I will take into my human confidant's presence as well. Three yet that sense of alone in the taking of he step as I am the only one of the three who is actually taking the step. Heavy deep stuff for this guy and time to ponder........................
step5 from www.SharingTheBurden.ca
12 Steps
We admitted we were powerless over others-that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5-Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)