9-Others not me!

We are taught in the co-dependant type 12 step programs to remove the focus from others (those we are trying to change/fix/control etc) and focus on ourselves. Step 9 is about others although the benefits definitely go to both sides.

I find this to be an area that when taken wrongly results in selfishness rather than self-care. In the 1st 12 step program, real results only happened when the wounded (sick/addicted/emotionally bankrupt etc) reached out and shared with another wounded soul. Service in other words is a primary ingredient for recovery whether we suffer from others behaviour or our own problems/addictions etc

If you challenge this line of thinking; compare A-how you feel when you know in your heart someone has moved ahead spiritually/emotionally because he/she came into your presence, somehow-you were able to express unconditional love that no one asked for and you went away HIGH to B-how you feel when you got a promotion, a bonus, a face lift, a free trip, a compliment. You may find as I do that the former feels right and Godly almost like experiencing a beautiful sunrise, while the selfish reward (something just for me to enjoy) is nice yet fleeting and temporal with no lasting impression. I think it is because we feel added-to when we are used in this fashion, we are more than we were before the encounter.

I am pondering the 9th tradition now too. Here we are told we must never be organized as a group, yet we can design boards/committees to serve our needs. For the co-dependant who is generally a control freak, the teachings here may go a long way. Loose structure (unconditional) vs tight structure (not so flexible). Where do you think the most recovery would be found?? I will respond next time?

Service often begins at Step 9. Regardless how long we waited to find this jewel, now we can go out with PURPOSE of making amends in the knowledge that NOT ONLY I BENEFIT but others get to move on and as I am different today, just maybe, some relationships will rejuvenate and have greater meaning than they ever could have had in the past!!