"I am responsible for me. I am not responsible for another person's happiness nor are they responsible for mine. I know that no one else can control my emotions. No one can make me angry, sad, happy or anything else without me giving them permission to do so. My feelings are my own."
I find this sharing by an Al-Anon member in their book "Paths To Recovery"so freeing. It removes blame from the equation and leaves us with the simple truth that my feelings are based 100% on who I am and cannot be caused by anything outside of me. One way to prove this is to discuss same type scenarios with different people. Everyone has a different sense about how he/she would feel if such and such were to happen to them. To one, a thing is a disaster, to another the same thing is a minor concern.
In step 1 we learn that powerlessness frees us of the responsibility for someone else's feelings. This does not, of course, give us the freedom to lash out, but merely sets the record straight as to who is responsible for what. I have to remember this when I start to accept responsibility for someone else's emotional condition or when I start pointing the finger at another for the way I feel.
Step 1 questions for self-study from "Paths To Recovery"
"In what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people?"
"Do I accept that I cannot control another person's behaviour?"
"Lord help to accept and be gentle with my emotions so that I can learn from them! Help me to remember that they will pass if I simply let them run their course-Amen"
12 Steps to Spiritual Recovery!
1- We admitted we were powerless over others and our dependencies-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.
4- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5- Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6- Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.
7- Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.
8- Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
12- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
(Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)
Various Claims of Promise from 12 Steppers
1-We will find ourselves worthy of love and able to love others. We will not lose ourselves.
2-Courage and fellowship will replace fear.
3-Our lives will yield hope to share with others.
4-We will come to know the vastness of our emotions without being in slavery to them.
5-Learning to forgive, we will no longer be bound by our secrets to live in shame.
6-Serenity and peace will have meaning for us.
7-We will allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with spiritual ease, balance and grace.
8-Attitude and outlook will be renewed.
9-Intuition will guide us to handle situations that were impossible in the past.
10-We will not regret the past recognizing its value for other sufferers.
11-Selfish interests will fall away as we gain interest in others.
12-Faith and gratitude will replace fear as we realize that a Greater Power is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
1- We admitted we were powerless over others and our dependencies-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of that Power.
4- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5- Admitted to this Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6- Were entirely ready to have this Power remove all these defects of character.
7- Humbly asked the Power to remove our shortcomings.
8- Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with this Power, praying only for knowledge of His/Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
12- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
(Many 12 step programs use the word God where we have written Power)
Various Claims of Promise from 12 Steppers
1-We will find ourselves worthy of love and able to love others. We will not lose ourselves.
2-Courage and fellowship will replace fear.
3-Our lives will yield hope to share with others.
4-We will come to know the vastness of our emotions without being in slavery to them.
5-Learning to forgive, we will no longer be bound by our secrets to live in shame.
6-Serenity and peace will have meaning for us.
7-We will allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with spiritual ease, balance and grace.
8-Attitude and outlook will be renewed.
9-Intuition will guide us to handle situations that were impossible in the past.
10-We will not regret the past recognizing its value for other sufferers.
11-Selfish interests will fall away as we gain interest in others.
12-Faith and gratitude will replace fear as we realize that a Greater Power is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
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